We Need Men: A List Of Skills Fathers Should Pass To Their Sons

I was recently leading a bible study for a group of college students and there were about eight guys in the room. I asked the question, “How many of you struggle with purpose in life.” Every hand shot up. There is a crisis of masculinity plaguing our nation. Girls outperform boys in school, women are graduating college at much higher rates than men, women attend church more than men, fatherless homes are the norm, 80% of divorces are initiated by women, 4x more men commit suicide than women, men overwhelmingly fill our prisons, and so many skills normally passed from father to son have been lost. As a father of four young boys, a member of an evangelical church, a citizen, and a business owner, this current state of affairs concerns me deeply. But what can I do?

Our natural, but often unhelpful, tendency is to shout “Where are the men! Men need to step up! Be a man!” I suppose I agree with these statements, but they do nothing to fix the problem. And let’s be honest, those who most often complain about these problems are partially responsible for creating it. The more I ponder this issue the more I’m convinced the solution begins in my own home with my own boys. I want my boys to become men, good and godly men. I desire these boys to be a force in culture, rulers, leaders, family builders, institution creators, dominion takers, disciple makers, God glorifiers, and much more.

This is an ambitious task, one I fear failing at. But I trust God that his word is sufficient for the task and his grace is able to create what he desires for my sons. But as their father, it is my job to plan. “A man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.” I have been working on a list of traits, skills, and knowledge I want to pass on to my sons. Here are the general categories I’m using in this list. I’ll offer a brief description of each category and a few examples skills or traits included. Feel free to add to the list and offer your own suggestions.

1. Spiritual Truth

Masculinity is a dangerous reality without submission to God and his rule. Men will rule, there is no question about that, but whether or not this rule will be righteous hinges on whether men will submit their rulership to the ultimate rulership of God. Therefore, boys need spiritual truth. They need doctrine, theology, wisdom, knowledge of God’s law, and church history. They need to know their God and his ways. Manhood starts here. Examples here include:

· Basic Bible doctrines

· Understanding the Christian worldview

· Basic apologetic arguments

· General storyline of the Bible

· A broad overview of church history

· The Gospel and its implications

2. Character

Godly character is essential to manhood. Masculinity must be channeled by godly virtue. Here the Proverbs are essential. No character, no real manhood. We must plow the field of their souls so the harvest of manhood will bear good fruit. Examples include:

· Integrity

· Honesty

· Courage

· Industriousness

· Respect

· Honor

· Humility

· Long-suffering

· Diligence

· Love & charity

3. Intellectual Skills

Being manly is not all about physical strength, but includes the life of the mind. Wise rulership requires the hard labor of good thinking. By nature, boy don’t want to think hard, they want to play hard. But fathers must not neglect these critical skills. Here are a few examples:

· Basic logical fallacies

· How to construct a logical argument

· Sifting data for critical info

· Problem solving

· Play chess

· Basic epistemology (how do we know what we know)

· How to read actively, for application and summary

· How to analyze an argument

4. Leadership Skills

God designed men to lead and rule. This may be a business, in politics, in church, or in a home. Leadership is not something you’re born with, but is a skill that must be learned and practiced. As such, our sons must be taught how to lead. They need opportunities to lead, and guidance and wisdom for growing in this area. Here are a few examples of leadership skills worthy of teaching your sons.

· Having a clear mission and vision

· Time management

· Delegation

· How to command and lead a group

· Emotional intelligence & self-awareness

· Clear communication and difficult conversations

· Rhetoric and persuasion

· Being willing to sit under another’s authority

· The necessity of confidence

5. Business Skills

Part of the task of being a man is taking dominion over the earth and providing for a family. On some level, this means being involved in a business. I desire my sons to own businesses or lead in them. To be fit for this task, they need certain skills. Even if you or your child will never own a business, these skills will reap rewards 10 or 100-fold. Here are some examples.

· Understand value and costs

· Read a profit and loss statement

· How to sell with win-win tactics

· Negotiate a deal

· Identify needs in the marketplace

· Create a budget

· How to market a product or service

· Write a business plan

· Satisfy a customer

6. Citizenship & Economic Skills

God has so ordered the world that people live in nations and therefore are citizens. Citizenship comes with responsibility, and men must be ready for that responsibility and willing to accept it. But to be a responsible citizen, boys must be educated in certain aspects of civil and economic life. Here are a few examples:

· Supply and demand

· Capitalism, communism, and socialism

· Natural law and natural rights

· How state and local government works

· How the federal government works

· The history of the United States

· Obligations of a citizen

· Politics and the Christian worldview

· The limits of civil obedience and disobedience

7. Construction and Maintenance Skills

This is one of those “traditional” masculine categories, but not without reason. Men are designed to build. They are to build cities, businesses, cultures, and families. Not only do handy skills cultivate and flame the desire to build, but they actually prove useful in the task of building and taking dominion. Here are a few examples:

· Use of basic tools (saws, drills, level, etc.)

· The basics of building a simple structure

· Basic plumbing & electrical repairs

· Automotive skills (change a tire, change oil, jump start a car)

· Hang shelves, pictures, etc.

· How to paint walls, trim, etc.

8. Outdoorsman Skills

God created the physical world and has tasked us to subdue and rule over it. To do this well, we must know, as men, how this world works and basic skills to actually operate within it. Again, these traits fall into the traditional “manly attributes” category, but for good reason. If men are to rule the earth, provide for their families, and protect those under their care, navigating this physical world with excellence makes them better suited for the task. Sure, many of those skills aren’t needed due to industrialization. However, they are at the core of masculine work and worthy of pursuing. Here are a few examples:

· Basic first aid

· Build a fire

· Drive and back a trailer

· Hunt and fish

· Clean a fish, deer, & turkey (or any other animal)

· Grow and tend a garden

· Navigate with a compass, aerial map, and topography map

· Fell a tree and chop firewood

· Tie basic knots

9. Gentleman Skills

Being manly is not all about rough and tough. Part of masculinity means connecting with and relating to women and children. This requires tempering certain qualities at times and cultivating others. Glory is revealed in rugged masculinity AND the refinement of the same as fits the occasion. Here are a few gentleman skills worth teaching our sons.

· How to dress for the occasion

· How to grill, basic kitchen skills, and food prep

· Iron clothes

· Play guitar (or other instruments)

· Write poetry and sing songs

· Tie a tie

· Shake hands

· Speak properly w/ good eye contact

10. Dating Skills

Boys need to learn how to navigate the world of female. One day they will want to get married. For marriage to be possible, a young man must understand women, know how to attract them, treat them, and keep them. He must know what to look for (think Proverbs 31) and what to shun (think Proverbs 5 & 7). A boy must be taught how a woman can be an incredible helpmate or the thief of his strength. There is a danger in a young man becoming a Beta white knight or a chauvinist pig. These ditches must be avoided with sound instruction. Here are some examples:

· Identifying the right type of girl and shunning the wrong type

· How to guard your heart

· How to guard her heart

· Making yourself attractive

· Earning respect

· How to flirt

· Physical intimacy and purity

· How to go on a date

· The importance and necessity of godly confidence

· Understand the difference in male and female needs

· Mission before marriage